The Truth About Marriage

The truth about Marriage

M A R R I A G E.
Love and Marriage.
The truth about marriage.
Or maybe it is just my truth.
Behind my own marriage.

Dominican Republic December 2011

Rewind to this photo in December of 2011.
Living with my head in Disney movies and Fairytale stories.
I believed in true love.  
Soul mates.  
I believed that when you found that "love".
That one person.
It would be easy.
So easy.
It was whole all encompassing magical love.

That it wouldn't break you into a million pieces.

But now my older self can tell the child in me there is no such thing as fairy tales.
Disney movies are just written stories. 

There is no such thing as "the one".

There is only relationships and marriages that we have to work on.
Work really fucking hard on.

Sure, there may be really happy couples always floating in the bliss of their relationship.
But I think that there is more of us who ride the roller coaster of it.
Really amazing ups where we soar in the air.
Then crashing down so hard we are slammed into the true mess of it all.
Yes, that is me.
That is my marriage.
Anyone else?

Marriage, I think, is nothing more than the amount of work we are willing to put in.

We have to learn it all again.
How to love.
How to listen.
How to fight.
How to fight fair.
How to communicate.
How to take responsibility for our own short comings.
Our own failings.

And just when we think we finally got it.
We are cruising that ride, screaming joy, with our hands in the air.
We hit that next low.
Slammed into the ground.
That fight.
That heartbreak.
That hurt.
A million little pieces.
And we have a choice.  
To throw in the towel.
Or do do the dam work.

I think it is the hardest part about a marriage.
To recommit to each other.
To decide to fight through it.

Marriage is hard.
Really fucking hard.
The lows are so dark and ugly I wonder how I will ever find the strength and energy to fight my way through.
The highs actually still take my breath away.
There must be beauty in that.
Somewhere in that contrast.

I wish I knew the true definition of marriage before I accepted the ring.
Before I signed the paper.
Before I tied myself to another human being.
But I didn't.
And now I am learning how to navigate a relationship with levels I never knew existed.

I no longer believe in fairy tales.
I no longer believe there is "the one" true person we are supposed to be with.
I no longer believe that real love.  
True love.
Is easy.
I believe that we have to fight to make a marriage work.
Over and over again.

I am here.
Still working.
Fighting my way through the hard times.
Appreciating the roller coaster I am on.
Knowing I am tied to someone who wants to work on this thing called life with me.
With me.
As their person.

I found someone strong enough to hold us both up.
When I am not strong enough to hold myself.
He pushes.
He lifts.
He carries.
He reminds me to keep fighting.
And each time he lifts me up, we raise higher together.

To all of you deep in the struggle of your relationship or marriage.
I feel you.
It is a really great view from up here.
You just have to slowly climb your way back up to the top.
Sending love and strength your way.